Itemize

*I attempted an alfredo style dish on Tuesday. Chop up some onions, garlic, green pepper, spinach, and various other tasty bits and set aside. Boil some water for pasta (I was using some rainbow colored various shaped pasta from Trader Joe's). Cut up some sausage (Sun-dried tomato chicken sausage from TJ's is a good choice). Heat up a skillet and pour some olive oil. Throw in all the veggies except the spinach and get a nice sizzle. Throw in the sausage and get the flavors to congregate. The pasta should be cooking at this point. Use one of those alfredo packets and follow the instructions, but add a little pesto to give it some personality. Once the pasta is ready, drain then add to the skillet. Throw in the spinach and cover the skillet. Once the alfredo is ready, add to the mix and really get everything to gel together.

I was disappointed at the initial serving -- the alfredo didn't quite congeal the way I had hoped it would. However, it has been delicious as microwaved leftovers. Go figure.

*I may have finally figured out how to get out of my bowling slump. I've adopted a point-and-shoot approach where I just pick where I will stand, pick where I'm targeting, and then go. It worked well Wednesday (bowled a 199 on Shark). Thursday it worked even better: I have a 178 average in that league and bowled a 643 series. It was the high series for the team. Unfortunately, if the only bowler on the team with a sub-200 average is the only bowler who bowls a 600+ series, then the team is going to have difficulty winning. We got swept.

*There was a book sale at the library today. I didn't plan on going -- I just happened to have books that were due. I peeked in and was a little disappointed. Not one copy of Lee Iacocca's autobiography to be found. Maybe it's a Michigan thing, but no book sale is worth its salt without at least 7 copies of it for sale. It becomes a game of hide-and-seek, since the book will be filed in biographies, automotive, history, popular, and often times miscategorized. I was at one book sale where I found 20 copies, none of which were located adjacently. The closest I got today was two copies of John Stossel's book, which managed to drown out the shrieking toddler at the sale with its shrillness. I did get a Christmas present out of the sale, so it wasn't a total loss.

*There is a potential follow-up to my last post, but it will have to wait until Sunday or Monday. I want the full story first.

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Eggs

"Doc, my brother's crazy. He thinks he's a chicken."
"Why don't you turn him in?"
"I would, but I need the eggs."

So before you hear any wild rumors, I decided to start seeing a therapist again. I've been really stressed out lately and have been acting out in irrational, socially awkward/inapprorpriate ways. So for anyone avoiding me recently because of said acting out, would you consider this an early Christmas present?

I am seeing a different therapist this time around. My old therapist isn't covered by my insurance and, in retrospect, she wasn't as productive as I would have hoped. Her meeting room was rather poorly lit which contributed to a stifled feeling I would have in my sessions. I also felt like I wasn't a real priority on her docket. I very well could have been the least crisised of her clients, but for the 55 minutes that I am paying fully out-of-pocket for, I think it would at least be a professional courtesy to fake it.

In my most recent session the subject of romantic relationships came up and it was a bit of an eye-opener. It was the first line of questioning that poked that ooey-gooey spot, causing me to pull it together before continuing. We talked about it in generalities with a few specifics thrown in, but time ran out before we could prep for the full dissection. The subject has weighed on my mind since the end of my session Wednesday afternoon.

The timing of this realization was semi-optimal. On the one hand, I feel like I'm making some progress. On the other, it did put a bit of a pall on my weekend. For starters, I think it prevented me from fully enjoying Margaret Cho when I saw her Friday night. I didn't have as many belly laughs as I would have hoped, though the potential was certainly there. However, when she was talking about Proposition 8 (which she is PISSED about, as you might imagine) she spoke about how gay people really need to get over themselves -- we have enough obstacles thrown our way without creating our own. She was talking about this in the context of her being considered a Goldilocks in the Bear community. It reminded me of how RuPaul would sign off on her short-lived VH1 talk show: "If you don't love yourself, how the hell can you love anybody else?" I am fairly certain this will be the only time I will quote RuPaul on this blog.

As I slowly picked at this food for thought as I moved it around my plate this weekend, I started evaluating my process for dating. Ummm, the process needs an overhaul. I'm not a fan of the club scene for several reasons. First, geography is currently an obstacle as Cleveland and Sandusky are both a significant drive away. I think there are places in Lorain, but just the idea of that seems sketchy and makes me feel the need to shower. I'm intimidated by the meat market mentality that pervades the clubs -- I feel like I'm ranked somewhere between prison grade meat and the stuff hot dogs are made of. The bravado and success rate of the club scene requires confidence, which that last sentence shows could use some improvement. Also, I feel weird about going by myself when I am a complete wallflower. I can stand in the corner and look at my watch repeatedly at home, thank you very much. If there were people I could go with it would be easier, but again I don't have the confidence yet to interact with complete strangers, so I would just stay with my friends and not accomplish what I set out to do in the first place.

So my only real recourse is online chat rooms. Here I have a little more control of the process. The wallflower strategy, which I implement like a pro, has mixed-to-poor results here as well. Sitting around waiting for someone, anyone, to IM is not the best way to spend an evening, let me tell you. So this weekend I've been a bit more proactive and attempted to start conversations. This is not without challenges. Sometimes, people just don't feel like chatting and trying to force a conversation just doesn't work. Other times, people are freak shows and the conversation shifts from bland pleasantries to figuring out how to permanently ignore the person. The biggest difficulty is the people who seem perfectly nice but are challenging to converse with. Against my better judgment, I'm slowly getting over the use of internet shorthand (how I loathe "how r u? kewl") and the overuse of "lol" ("I'm John...lol"), but there are a lot of people out there who haven't realized that telling me that you're bored is not conducive to a good conversation. Granted, "bored" is usually code for "me want sex", but since me no want sex at this point in our soon-to-be-truncated relationship, there's really no point in continuing to try to talk. But I have been persevering and things are going slightly better. So far I inadvertently hit on someone who might be a colleague (I didn't ask for confirmation since that would have been extra weird at that point) and have had a few decent conversations with some Clevelanders and central New Yorkers (might as well prep for next year).

I won't get into the actual dating part now, since this post is far longer than I anticipated, but I will offer a bit more clarification before I go. I TiVo'd Annie Hall last week and got around to watching it this morning. Each time I see it, I find more parallels to my own experience and identify more and more with Alvie Singer. I'm not sure if that is a positive or an inevitability for the viewer. Anyway, the movie ends with the joke that began this post and this hypothesis:

"I guess we keep going through it because most of us need the eggs."

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I was watching MSNBC instead

Help me, Wolf Blitzer. You're my only hope!



Huh.

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Fall Season: Tuesday

Tuesdays are usually a lighter load/catchup day in terms of programming. Since I generally don't get home much before 10pm on Mondays and have to be at work at 10am on Tuesdays, I can't watch all that gets recorded. But there is still new stuff added and here it is:

House

I started watching House last season and was surprised by how quickly I got hooked. I'm usually not into medical dramas, but this one is so wonderfully written and Hugh Laurie is brilliant. The search for the new fellows story arc was rather engaging, though I'm still not won over by Taub (dude, chill), Kutner (dude, stop setting patients on fire) or Thirteen (dude...just dude). The season finale was incredibly good, though I think I will miss Amber/Cut Throat Bitch.

However, this has now set up a story line where House and Wilson have essentially broken up. We're two episodes into the season (counting tonight's episode) and I still don't know how I feel about this development. Although it is organic in terms of the characters' histories, the House/Wilson relationship moved from subtext to text which takes out some of the fun. The show is usually pretty good about reaching satisfactory resolutions, but I'm still a little leery.

Dancing with the Stars: Results

3 minutes of content (6 if there's a group number) in 60 minutes of program. After 8 years of reality television you would think that ratio would have gotten less oppressive.

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Fall Season: Monday

Tonight is the official start of the 2008-2009 TV season, and my TiVo is filled to the gills with season passes. It's rather sad in a wonderful, wonderful way. As I was loading season passes last night during the god-awful Emmy awards, I kept getting warnings that shows weren't going to record due to lack of space. Granted, said Emmys were taking up 4 hours of real estate (they were promptly evicted), there's just a lot of anticipation for this week. Let's see how many of these shows survive.

Heroes

Last season was extremely problematic. A number of new characters were either dull (Peter's Irish lass) or incredibly irritating (Maya, of "ALEJANDRO!!!!!!!!" lame, er fame). Oddly, this is one of those shows that I think may have greatly benefited from last year's writers' strike. Before things really started flying off the tracks, Kring and company needed to buttonhole things quickly. Some stories may have been rushed, but at least the really irksome ones (Maya/Sylar, Claire/West, Feudal Hiro) are pretty much done. That and the 8 months since the last episode may have caused people to forget all the bad juju the sophomore slump created.

If there's still bad juju, this show may be in trouble.

Dancing with the Stars

First: Shut up. American Idol doesn't swing back around until January so this show fills the void. I'm not a huge fan of the show, but I do like a number of the individual elements. I like Tom Bergeron, I like the application of ballroom to some unlikely songs, and the cast usually has 1 or 2 folks that I already like and someone I will eventually grow to like (who will get voted off soon after). I don't like Samantha Harris, but I like making fun of her. The band and the singers are TERRIBLE, but their choices are easy to make fun of as well.

For me, this season is about Lance Bass. There has been speculation for a number of seasons that he would be on the show and the question about who his partner will be has been the center of the discussion. Specifically, will the partner be male or female? Although my people would have loved to see some guy-on-guy rumba or salsa action (admit it, you would too), Bass would actually be at a significant disadvantage. I'm not talking about people not voting for him -- I'm talking about executing the dance. All of the other male dancers will be dancing as the male in the couple. In fairness, Bass should also have to dance as the male. Therefore, his professional male partner would have to dance as the female. This presents problems for both teacher and student that none of the other couples would encounter.

That's not to say that he won't already have issues. His partner is Lacey Schwimmer, who came in 4th on So You Think You Can Dance in 2007. I hated Lacey. Hopefully she has become less insufferable in the last 15 months, because I would like Lance to do well.

Again, shut up.

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Shield

The last 20 hours have been terrible. Thursday nights I've been bowling in a league at Black River Lanes with Bryan, Bukie and James. The first week of the league went fine. My scores were about on average, though I was low man for the evening. The following week I was having some trouble, but I just chalked it up to being tired -- it was the first week of the semester and I was swamped at work.

Last week was a major stumbling block. I couldn't get any of my equipment to do anything and by the third game I was fed up. 8-year-olds having a temper tantrum is annoying. If you are 25 it is really unforgivable. I instantly regretted it, but there's really nothing you can do at that point.

Last night I went in with the mindset that no matter how bad things might get, I will not behave the same way. By the middle of the second game, it was taking every ounce of will to keep myself in check. The frustration is attacking from several different angles. First, I am the only person on my team struggling. The other guys are averaging 200+, James even bowled his first 700 last night. It has nothing to do with the left side as our opponent's had a lefty on their team who was doing just fine. Also, this is the third week in a row I have been struggling on three different pairs of lanes, which means that the center isn't the variable. The only common denominator is me.

It was during the third game that I realized what my problem is. For whatever reason, I feel like I have to prove myself, which is causing me to try way too hard, which is causing me to do all sorts of weird shit in my shot making and is clouding my judgment when I need to make adjustments. The thought that occurred to me was a suggestion my therapist presented at my last meeting with her: that I am not comfortable in my own skin. Sure, my defensiveness, my inability to allow people to get close to me (intimately or even physically), and a host of other issues play into that theory, but for whatever reason I am demanding more proof.

When I came to this realization, I started to panic. Whenever I visualize this concept, I picture a boss from a game like Metroid or Zelda where you have to wait for the scales on their body or some protective covering moves away for a second so you can strike their weak point. When you hit that spot, the boss cries out in pain. I could see my vulnerability being exposed and an ice-cold blade getting ready to poke it. My focus shifted from shot making to holding it together. After the third game was done and I limped over the 400 line (I think? I didn't bother adding the scores) I threw my equipment in my bag, congratulated James and told Bryan I was going to wait in the car.

As we were driving back to Oberlin, my rear window was fogged up, so I turned on the rear defrost. About 2 minutes later, I heard a POP. At first I thought a tire blew out, but then someone said my window was cracking. Was it a gunshot? A meteorite? Whatever it was, it caused me to not hold it together anymore as I listened to the crystallized crackling sound of my rear window. As I approached 511, I hit a bump which caused the entire window to collapse. I won't bore you with the transcript of what I said, but rest assured it was not rated G.

I'm now waiting for my replacement window to get installed. This whole window thing is far too metaphorical for my taste. And expensive. Future metaphors take note: you need to cost less than $50.

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Retraction

You might recall a previous post where I discussed Big Brother, in particular a specific houseguest. To quote:

I have a feeling the only change in opinion I will have will be to something more unfavorable, but I'll just have to wait and see. My guess: he will either be the first out or around for a LONG time.

I was right about the second part. Although he was targeted the first couple of weeks, he actually lasted all the way to the end. And won. By a unanimous vote.

I was wrong about the first part. Dan proved to be one of the most awesome players in the history of the series and certainly the most deserving of the contestants this season.

Congratulations, Dan! Sorry about the pregame negativity.

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Journey

"I can't believe you're going to see Journey! Please post a count of mullets--may you find yourself in a sea of fabulous hairstyles."

Last night I went to see Journey at Blossom. The ticket also included Cheap Trick (meh) and Heart (EEEEE!). We (Sarah and I) ended up in one of the distant lots and Cheap Trick took the stage as we made the long trek to the gate. By the time we got settled on the hillside, they were pretty much done. Again, no big loss: I'm completely neutral about Cheap Trick. That's not to say the people around us were also ambivalent -- far from it. Although the crowd was significantly younger than I expected (mostly thirty-somethings and their kids), many of the people in the crowd were doing those dances that middle-aged people do. The kind that cause the kids to say "MOOOOOOOOOOOM! You are totally EMBARRASSING me!" which I witnessed at least once or twice. So many forlorn children. The hair was also pretty normal, though some women were teased out to the shoulders. I only saw one mullet, but it was so perfect that I could only describe it as "professional".

After a brief intermission, Heart took the stage. I warned Sarah that I was going to probably dork out during that set, but I think she out-dorked me. Both Ann and Nancy Wilson are still looking fabulous and totally owned the stage. Overall, I think their set was the best -- I've been singing "Alone" all day.

Another short intermission and Journey took the stage. Although Steve Perry is no longer in the band, the new lead singer (Arnel Pineda) is a fine substitute. Unfortunately, he is so good that his career can be viewed as a Steve Perry impersonator. Sorry Arnel. Anyway, the first few songs were ones that I didn't recognize. The crowd didn't seem as into it either, which was surprising. That was until Separate Ways, truly one of the finer points in Journey's career. They did their big hits ("Don't Stop Believin'", "Anyway You Want It", etc.), but the rest of their set was either new stuff (Booo!) or not easily recognized.

Overall, Heart ROCKED it and the show was quite a bit of fun.

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Legit

Okay, so that part in my last post where I said I wasn't going to write anymore about the election? Ignore that -- this Sarah Palin character is way too interesting to pass up.

First up, the baby mama drama (will that be your title card, Fox news?). There were some rumors circulating after Palin was tapped last week that her youngest child (who has Down's Syndrome, not that that is relevant) might actually be her daughter's kid (therefore, Palin's grandchild). How 1950's. During an NPR interview of some RNC representative, the rumors were described as "vicious" and "untrue". No, no, no, the story is much less sordid, with the 17-year-old daughter now 5 months pregnant. Good news -- she's keeping the baby (there's a shock, daughter of the conservative VP candidate) and she will marry the boyfriend so they can raise the child together. See, not salacious at all. On the plus side, this means that the Right will have to abandon the whole "family values" platform, which really didn't sit well with me anyway.

I shouldn't make fun, especially since these are lifelong obstacles getting thrown Palin's way and not a simple case of foot-in-mouth disease. But during the course of the same interview Robert Siegel asked several questions about the vetting process -- a step that I had forgotten was part of the candidate selection. Despite all these obstacles (both personal and political), the McCain camp still determined that, of the choices presented, Palin was the pick of the litter.

It really makes me wonder what caused the others to be disqualified. I'm dying to dig that dirt.

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Shania

Back at the end of April, Kristy Lee Cook was eliminated from American Idol. As Ryan Seacrest wrapped up her goodbye video package, the caremas cut to a shot of the final six. I distinctly remember what my reaction was: "Really? That's the top 6? Huh." That's kind of how I feel things have gone on the Republican side of things during this election cycle.

Now I haven't written much of anything about the presidential election and I don't really intend to beyond this post. I know who I am voting for, my mind is not going to change, and I kind of expect others to be in the same position regardless of who they are voting for. Honestly, I'm a little weirded out by those who claim to be "undecided" since, unlike the last two election cycles, the two candidates are pretty distinct from one another and there doesn't seem to be as much of a "Anyone but whats-his-nutz" mentality (at least not as much as the last few go-rounds).

But thank goodness McCain is making this election interesting, at least in the "Really? Huh." sense. First, you have him comparing Obama to Paris Hilton and Britney Spears, which has resulted in Paris going up in esteem in many people's eyes (who saw that happening?). Then you have his selection of My-Big-Fat-Karen-SVU-30-Rock star VP in Palin. I didn't see the video of the announcement until late this evening, but I honestly expected to hear a record scratching sound effect followed by the crowd going "whaaaa?" There's being a maverick and then there's queering your message. Which do you think this is? The more I think about it, the more this reminds me of the Harriet Myers debacle three years ago when both Rehnquist and O'Connor were getting replaced on the Supreme Court. It's a sort of half-assed attempt at being pro-feminism -- like lighting a bra on fire that the owner is still wearing. It's going through the motions but not understanding the reasoning for what you are doing at all.

I've never fully understood the politics of VP selection. Supposedly it is a way of balancing out the ticket to round up the most votes, but I have to wonder how much that actually factors into the voter's decision making process. At least in a positive way. With Kerry/Edwards, I don't recall ever thinking "well, Horseface and I don't see eye-to-eye on such and such issue, but Andy Griffith is there with the assist." My internal monologue is a little less polite than the guy you chat with on a regular basis. What I can see is how things can be affected negatively, such as Perot/Scottsdale or Gore/Lieberman. I don't think Biden is a bad choice for Obama, it just isn't a dealmaker or dealbreaker.

This election is getting dangerously close to absurdist and it isn't even September yet. I'm honestly expecting Shania Twain being used as the soundtrack for the rest of the McCain campaign. I don't know her politics (not to mention she is Canadian), but I'm just playing a hunch. I'm just glad I already know I don't have to go to work before 3pm on November 5th -- I'm expecting a late night on the 4th.

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