Notebook

I feel like posting, but I don't have any good stories. Instead, I am just going to list items I have written in my mini notebook over the last couple of weeks.

"Don't play well with others"

"She is just a victim of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Those being 'in his vicinity' and 'ever'."

"Guy in wheelchair = costume?"

"THE BUMS WILL ALWAYS LOSE."

"Invest in baby boomer's demise."

"All I know is 'LOL' and 'G2G'"

"Ivy, you're not in charge of the world. Shut your mouth."

"Why are you staring off into space? There aren't any cute boys over there."

"Carrots are nature's diabetic candy."

"Get the fuck out of my candy store."

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Achiever

Sarah and I went down to Louisville this weekend for a festival: Lebowski Fest. It is a little like a Star Trek convention, only with funnier costumes, wittier conversation, and more white Russians. We drove down Friday and arrived at about 10:30. We missed the documentary about the event and a couple of the performers, but we were present for the outdoor screening of The Big Lebowski.

Typically I am not a fan of people who speak the dialogue of a movie as you're watching it. Punchlines get ruined, emphasis is lost, and I'm not watching a movie to listen to you. But at Lebowski Fest, it is a bit different. I think the entire movie was spoken by the audience, but the level of emphasis imparted by the speakers varied so much. Lines that you might consider to be insignificant might be shouted by someone else. I actually found this viewing to be pretty enjoyable.

The next day started at about 5pm when we headed to the Garden Party. This was at the same location as the movie screening, only now along with the musicians they had some fairway games set up.

Game One: Ringer Toss. Get into the driver's side of The Dude's car and toss the ringer (bowling bag filled with Walter's underwear) over the car. If you hit the Nihilist, you win a prize.

Game Two: Dunk the Marmot. Hit a catapult with a mallet to launch the marmot. If it lands in the tub, you win. I won some Nihilist Gum (they don't believe in flavor).

Game Three: Mug Shot. Throw a coffee mug at a picture of The Dude. If you hit him in the forehead, you win.

They also had a couple of games of Cornhole set up. The boards had silkscreens of various Lebowski characters. We played a couple of games before heading to the bowling center for the Bowling Party. The line started forming at about 7, but the doors didn't open until 8 so it gave us an opportunity to check out some of the costumes people were sporting. There were plenty of Dudes, Walters, Jesuses (Jesi?), and Maudes, but other costumes were clever and/or obscure. A couple required some explanation, such as the woman wearing a lampshade and carrying what looked like a log wearing a baby bonnet. She was "New Shit Coming to Light", a line from the movie. My favorite of this type of costume was "Beaver Picture": two girls in beaver costumes walking around with a cardboard picture frame so that people could get photos. Awesome. That required some major dedication on their part because it was really hot and muggy on Saturday, so those costumes must have been uncomfortable.

Sarah and I didn't do costumes, but I wore my Oberlin button down bowling shirt and Sarah wore her Cleveland Steamers t-shirt (they're a roller derby team, sickos). One of the guys standing in line in front of us not only was from the Cleveland area (there were a lot of Cleveland people, actually), but he also works at Sherwin-Williams, just a few floors above Sarah. Very small world.

When we finally got into the bowling center we scrambled to find a lane to bowl on. A guy in a Dude costume invited us over to play on Lane 22, so we joined him. A few others joined our lane and we started to play. Sarah had an amazing first game, bowling a 197. This would ultimately be the 4th highest score of the night overall. After the first game we had some people leave and new people join us, and it was a pretty steady stream of people mingling, taking photos and enjoying the atmosphere as you sipped your beer or white Russian. Jeff, The Dude on our lane, and his wife (dressed as Ms. Jamtoss, the teacher who graded the homework assignment left by Larry in the car) were a constant presence and they are awesome.

At about 10, the guy who played Liam (The Jesus' bowling partner who shakes his hips at the beginning of the movie) got up on the makeshift stage and did a ball-buffing and hip-shaking demo. About ten minutes later, he joined us on our pair and rolled a couple of shots and took pictures. He's a really nice guy and is just tickled about his entire Lebowski experience.

About an hour later, the costume contest got underway. There was a general category for costumes like Beaver Picture, a superhero named Not-on-the-Rug Man, and This Aggression Will Not Stand -- two people dressed in Middle Eastern garb circa 1991 rolling around on office chairs. There were also separate categories for Best Dude, Walter, Jesus, and Maude. The winners in those categories would bowl in a one-shot roll-off, the winner receiving a check for $0.69 (ref. the grocery store scene). Maude won.

We ended up staying to the very end of the bowling and then headed over to the host hotel for the afterparty. I think what I enjoyed most about the whole event was that despite all of the alcohol flowing and the abundance of Walters at the venue, I did not see anyone being a jerk or engaging in obnoxious behavior. Everyone just seemed to have a good time and wanted everyone else to have a good time.

Everyone was an Achiever, and proud we are of all of them.

If you would like to see pictures and some video, click here:

Lebowskifest 2008

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Oh "Brother"

I've been toying with the idea of adding a semi-regular feature to this blog where I write about why I TiVo what I TiVo. Hey, not much is going on right now and we might be watching the same shows. I wasn't sure where to start, but after skimming this morning's TV news I found my first topic. So, without further ado I bring you: Why I TiVo: Big Brother 10.

I used to be a fan of Big Brother. I watched the dismally dull first season off and on and was surprised that it was picked up for a season two. They revamped the show the second time around and it was WAY more fun. That season had more interesting characters (Evil Dr. Will, Monica) and the players took care of eliminations instead of the viewers. The third season was also realllly entertaining, with contestants who were even more batshit crazy.

Then the show took a turn. It became about the twists and most of them made things unbearable rather than tantalizing. Season four featured ex-boyfriends/girlfriends ("X-Factor"). Five was "Project DNA" which featured identical twins switching in and out of the game (awesome) and reuniting long-lost half-siblings (not as awesome). Season six, the "Summer of Secrets" (these are not my titles, by the way) featured people playing in pairs. At first they were secret, but the houseguests soon figured it out. Of these three seasons, six was certainly the best one. The show then did an All-Star season for seven, which almost always is a bad idea. As with The Amazing Race and the first All-Star season of Survivor, all the characters you liked before end up becoming realllllly unlikeable.

Last summer was season 8 and a new executive producer, Allison Grodner, took the helm. She champions all the twists and soul-and-relationship crushing brought on by the show. At first the cast was fun but then the house sociopath (and eventual winner, as is usually the case with the house sociopath) Dick systematically alienated and violated the other contestants. The worst instance was when he BURNED ANOTHER CONTESTANT WITH A CIGARETTE. That was one of the most nauseating things I have ever seen. As a result, I decided not to watch any of this past winter's Season 9.

I was going to pass on this summer's edition as well, but today they released the identities of the new contestants. I skimmed the article and got down to the bullet point list and started looking at where people were from. Here is a transcript:

"...southerner...southerner...souther--hey! Dearborn!...OH MY GOD!"

Dan Gheesling, 24, Dearborn, MI. I went to Sunday school with the guy. We were sorta buddies, but then he changed churches in 4th grade and we didn't cross paths again until middle school. Although we got along at Sunday school, he was kind of a jerk 6th-8th grade. He was part of the "pretty people" crowd, a phrase that still causes anxiety and my blood pressure to rise. Of course, it isn't really fair to hold middle school against people, so I was curious to see if maybe he turned out alright.

To quote Julie Chen during the cast reveal video segment: "Dan is going to have a problem with a lot of the women in the house." I don't think right-wing nutjob is the fairest assessment but, well, take a look at his bio. Oh, and he was the only person that Julie said anything remotely negative about.

I have a feeling the only change in opinion I will have will be to something more unfavorable, but I'll just have to wait and see. My guess: he will either be the first out or around for a LONG time.

Big Brother 10: Tuesdays at 9p, Wednesdays and Sundays at 8p. Starts July 13. All times Eastern.

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Status Quo

Today was my first real day as a salaried employee of Oberlin College. Well, sort of. Mooch had asked me Saturday if I had received my letter yet, and I had no idea what he was talking about. This might have been related to my visit to Human Resources a day earlier when I tried to fill out some paperwork and they had no file of me whatsoever. Great.

When I got to work on Monday, Tom filled me in that I will need to take my letter of appointment to HR -- once I get it that is. He also said that Linda Gates was finishing those up that day, so it might be a day or two before I become for realsies. Today when I got to work, Tom left me a note saying that Linda's secretary Barb needed my address. Why that is not on file -- oh right, there is no file, even though I have been getting paychecks and W2's sent to me with no problem. Also, my suspicion is that the address is for my letter when it would have been faster for me to run across the street and pick up the letter in person. Save a stamp and envelope and let me get through the bureaucracy, please?

Not that I would have had much of an opportunity to take care of such an errand. James decided that he wanted to celebrate my new status by having some bizzaro back spasm (I told him that he really shouldn't have, but he insisted). It was totally random -- he had just gotten the oil machine in position to get lifted onto the lane and as he reached for the handle his back seized up. From what I saw and what he later confirmed, he had not yet engaged in the lifting motion, so it does not seem to be directly related to the oiling machine. Really, I think this is just his way of making sure I included everything I needed to in the Injuries section of the Worker's Guide that I wrote up yesterday. I did actually miss a step in the process, but a note in red ink would have been just as effective. He should be okay, but it will take a while to recover. The best part is that both Tom (who met up with James at Allen ER) and James reported back that the doctor suggested "let pain be your guide", in terms of how to dictate activity. Er, that sounds like a decent rule of thumb for life but okay.

Who knew that becoming salaried would be so chaotic?

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Waiting

It has been a long summer already and we are still in June. This is not a good sign. So much of my time has been spent waiting, waiting, waiting, and I'm getting a little stir crazy. I had to wait for James to get back from Arizona to do job training. I had to wait for the schools to let out so that the summer programs would finally get into full swing. Right now I'm desperately waiting for July 1 to roll around.

On July 1, two very important events happen. First, my job switches over to a real position meaning benefits, sick days, vacation days, and all those bells and whistles that are supposed to be part of a job you get after graduating college. More importantly, I can finally say to people that I am starting my grad program next July instead of the wordier "not this July but July 2009." I'm still not regretting my decision to defer because I so could not afford or handle moving right now. But now I can't stave off boredom by pretending to buckle down to write that personal statement or researching programs. Instead I just get to think about what I could be learning now and will now have to wait twelve months. Not exactly boredom reducing.

The boredom and stir craziness is starting to get to me, though. I saw this article last week and I'm honestly a little spooked. My initial reaction after reading this was, if the findings of this study are consistent with my biology (since I have not had a brain scan) and the hypothesis presented is correct, then I have wasted so much time. I was told a few months ago that the switch for sexual preferences flips on at the age of 8 or 9, and my reaction when I heard that was remarkably similar.

I feel like I'm losing the passion for the things in my day-to-day life. And as much as I wait for something to jump start my enthusiasm, it just isn't happening. It's a long time until September.

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Politico

I got home from work tonight expecting to write a tongue in cheek post about what happened during my shift, but then I saw on Yahoo news that Tim Russert had died. I'm watching Frank Rich and Keith Olberman talking about it now. I simply cannot believe it.

I was a huge fan of Russert. I found his approach to be incredibly accessible, not necessarily simplifying political issues but keeping the conversation of topics easier to understand. His enthusiasm reminded me of my friends and family on election night. I recall on election night in 2004, he had a small whiteboard where he was keeping track of electoral votes and the nerdiest grin on his face as he dissected all of the possible outcomes with the remaining states.

It is so sad that we will be going into this general election without Tim Russert's knowledge, enthusiasm and insight.

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Confidence

About fifteen minutes after I woke up this morning there was a knock on my door. I thought I had heard my landlord's voice earlier so perhaps there was some emergency he was going around to warn the tenants about. I open the door and did not see my landlord. "I take it you are the king of this castle?" It was some kid who I would guess might be 16 or so. He was incredibly obnoxious. He kept bouncing around telling me I can help him get enough points to win a thousand bucks to go towards a trip to some mystery location. He wouldn't say where at first, but he gave me a hint: "You can't drink the water but you don't want to down the worm if you know what I mean." He confused my flat affect with ignorance as I told him to cut to the chase. But no, he wanted me to read the question written in the red box on the card he was carrying around. As I closed the door on him, he thanked me in a way that tried to make it seem like I was the asshole in the dialogue. That kid was lucky that I was already awake, because if he had woken me up he would be trying to avoid sucking up the worm with his straw.

What astounded me about the whole interaction was the extreme level of confidence demonstrated by this kid. I'm not envious, as this little exercise shows that there is an upper limit where too much confidence makes you really annoying, but I am aware that the highest level of confidence I have ever demonstrated has certainly paled in comparison. Yes, there have been instances where I have demonstrated cajones, but those were more in response to some sort of adrenaline rush or some other breaking point. I visualize confidence as sauntering, not barging in guns blazing.

One of my pet peeves when I talk to people about my job is the initial response that I get 90% of the time. "I'm the manager at a bowling center." "Oh, I suck at bowling." Usually this conversation takes place in singles chat rooms (shut up) and it certainly takes the flirtiness out of the situation. I realize that they might think they are being self-deprecating, but that would be like me responding to a guy saying "I'm in real estate" with "Oh, I suck at selling houses." To me, it's a confidence issue. I would be much more comfortable with a guy that said "I don't like bowling" than someone who immediately discounts their abilities.

It's a bit strange talking about this topic. I felt so confident leaving high school and Oberlin did a fantastic job of destroying any and all confidence I had built up in myself. It is only recently that I have finally felt like I have been coming into my own. I've been out of school for 3 years: that's a long time. Don't worry: at this pace I will be like that kid when I'm in my seventies. I'm fairly confident in that estimation.

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Phase

I'm a little late getting out the post-reunion post. My excuse is that reunion weekend caught up with me on Tuesday and I'm still trying to revive.

I inadvertently scheduled myself for nine hours on Friday. Oops. When I got home I thought about just vegging out as preparation for the weekend but then the Mazurs invited me over for an impromptu barbecue. Part of the refreshments included a combination of leftover margarita mix and leftover tequila, though the proportions favored the alcohol instead of the mix. Did I mention that I adore tequila?

We played some bocce and Wii (I beat Brian in Smash!) and then I got a call from Zaldonis. Yay! Turns out he was staying with a friend who lives in another section in my building so I headed over there after dropping off some stuff at my place. It was great catching up with John and Kayla and meeting some new people talking about Oberlin, New York, and things in between. Staying up until 2 might not have been the wisest course of action with an alumni bowling tournament starting at 10am.

The turnout for the Funraiser was much higher than anticipated, even with the RSVP's from a Facebook invite. We actually had to turn people away, which was unfortunate. But I got to bowl with Clare, Meghan, and Colin and schmooze with quite a few other alums. Unfortunately, despite our camaraderie, we were not able to scrounge up enough pins to beat the current students. We'll get them next year. Afterwards we headed to Tom's house for picnicking, croquet, and cornhole. After spending almost the entire day at Tom's, I met up with Clare, Anna and Anna's boyfriend at Toooooooooo Chi-noise for dinner. We had a lovely meal and eventually made our way to South, which was the headquarters for the 5 Year Reunion. So many people!

I had to oil the lanes on Sunday and treated the afternoon as a rest period before heading out to meet Sarah on Tappan Square. We were to meet John and his crew for dinner but everything was packed. We eventually got a table at Lorenzo's and had a pretty good meal. Illumination had finished setting up as we ate, so Sarah and I wandered Tappan Square a bit until I got a call from the lanes. An emergency came up and I had to close, which put a damper on my evening.

Commencement went well. Sarah and I skipped out on most of the talking, opting to go to Feve brunch instead. We did get back in time for Fareed Zakaria's speech which was pretty good. Then people graduated. It's a little weird now: this class was the last class of students who were students while I was a student. Except for the few people on the 5+ year plan, there aren't any "peers" remaining in the student body. I'm not saying that in an elitist way, but now the students I know I met through my manager position. Eeek.

After the ceremony, Sarah and I got lunch, browsed downtown, played some Wii, then headed to the Union Street house to say "so long" to the fellas. "So long" includes GTAIV, Red Wings hockey, double entendres, and microwaving light bulbs (among other things). I'll miss those guys.

So now it's summer, I guess. Work is in a transition period and things are really quiet on campus. As for me, I met my initial weight loss goal for this year, which was to get down to or below 205 pounds (my weight at the end of Freshman year) and I now tip the scales at 195. I know! I'm using this week as the benchmark to try to lose 10% (thanks, Jenny Craig commercials) before Labor Day, which would put me at 176 pounds. Considering I've been rather lazy these past couple of weeks and have not suffered any negative consequences yet, I think once I get back into an exercise routine I should be able to meet that goal.

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Snooze

I love board games, but there are a few out there that make me uncomfortable. When I visited Amanda in Chicago a few years ago we stopped by FAO Schwarz where I saw the following:

I wish I could have found a good photo of the box. This game, much like its predecessor, requires precise movement to extract all the wacky objects implanted in your patient. It's like an episode of House. Unlike Operation Original Recipe, rather than tweezers you just stick your hand INTO THE HEAD OF YOUR PATIENT. Unsanitary. Also, one misstep and the nose lights up and your patient will squeal "Ooooooo! That tickles!" Ick.

The other game that causes great concern is called Don't Wake Daddy. I have not played this game, but I remember the commercial:



Let's discuss. First, there are a lot of obstacles en route to the fridge. That seems dangerous, regardless of time of day. Also, if daddy happens to awaken, he seems more like he is recovering from a night terror rather than being inconvenienced by his clumsy, clumsy children. Also, the way he shoots up is apparently physically impossible. And let's not forget the implications of child abuse that make the game FUN!

They have updated the game though. I was at Target tonight and walked past the endcaps in the toy department. Mostly it was Indiana Jones branded toys, but one endcap actually made me stop and look again. For 2008: Don't Wake the Hulk! That actually seems more realistic.

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Sedigive

I have yet to give any money to Oberlin since changing my membership status from "student" to "alum" 3 years ago. It's not like I haven't tried: I filled out the "Donate my matriculation deposit" paperwork completely the day it arrived in my OCMR yet the school still sent me my check. I certainly can afford to give but I feel no guilt about my current miserly ways. I figure I am already making a contribution by working for the school (as a wage slave, no less) and actually keeping one of the few profitable parts of the campus up and running and, dare I say, more profitable. I've actually tried explaining this logic to the student fundraisers (leaving out the profits part) but it seems to fall on deaf ears. Whatever.

Today I received a troubling e-mail. Here is how it began:

Dear Michael,

Hello, fellow classmates! I hope that this letter finds you well. I am not the most articulate when writing these types of letters. And, like you, when I see a letter asking for money, I simply throw it into the recycle bin. This letter, however, is different. The purpose of this letter is not simply to ask you for money, rather it is a letter designed to evoke your emotions and thus make you want to give back to Oberlin College.

Don't you love it when a form letter tries, and fails, to seem all personalized? I do give it points for the "throw it into the recycle bin" part -- I usually throw mine in the trash. Save your tar and feathers, it gets better.

I was thinking about starting this letter with some type of antidotal story, but I was not able to think of one. Then, I was thinking that I would just quickly tell you about the many changes at Oberlin, but the reality is that things haven't changed much in the past two and half years. While Oberlin does have a new president, the student body is still liberal, and they are still trying to change the world one person at a time.

"Antidotal"? Seriously? SERIOUSLY?! This person is trying to convince his fellow college graduates to donate money by using not just the wrong word but a word that Firefox is currently underlining with red? And Oberlin not changing that much in the last 2.5 years? Are you kidding me? There is a controversial new slogan, a couple new programs of study, new village housing with additional construction projects on the horizon, new scholarship and financial aid programs...none of these are worth highlighting?

He goes on to talk about the alumni website, which is a helpful resource from the various "antidotes" I've heard from others. But then:

While some of these options may not interest you, or you might be like me and want to do more, you can also give back with a monetary donation. The amount you donate does not matter because, like you, I know that things are financially hard being a recent grad. Nevertheless, I have decided to give back to Oberlin yearly because I want current students to have at least the same, if not better, experience that I had while at Oberlin. Furthermore, donating to Oberlin helps increase alumni participation rates. This is important not only for national ranking in U.S. News and World Report, but also for grant funding, which most ask for participation rates.

Besides the dubious politics of the U.S. News and World Report rankings, that seems like a pretty lousy reason to donate to the school. I would much rather my (currently hypothetical) donation go towards developing something more positive than elitism.

He concludes with:

I challenge you to walk with me in the pursuit of bringing Oberlin to the next level. If you have any questions, comments, or intelligent thoughts, then please do not hesitate to contact me.

Whenever I hear the phrase "bring [blah] to the next level", I immediately think of America's Next Top Model, where that phrase loosely translates to "we're dying your hair blonde." I don't think Oberlin would look good as a blonde -- it's more of a brunette.

As for intelligent thoughts: PROOFREAD.

Then I read the signature and busted out laughing. Apparently our '05 alumni shill happens to be a person who holds the distinction of saying one of the stupidest things I have ever heard in my time at Oberlin (7 years and counting). It was sophomore year in Dawson's Intro to Government class. A bunch of students were up in arms over some auxiliary staff getting sacked (this was when the College's financial future started looking gloomy). They wanted us to donate the class treasury (money collected from people who showed up late to class) to help out the recently jobless. This person made the argument that we should help them pay their cable bill, to which I asked "if times are tight, why not get rid of the cable?" His response: "But there are a lot of good shows..." We ended up donating the money to a recovering cancer patient. The alumni fund was not proposed.

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