Waiting

It has been a long summer already and we are still in June. This is not a good sign. So much of my time has been spent waiting, waiting, waiting, and I'm getting a little stir crazy. I had to wait for James to get back from Arizona to do job training. I had to wait for the schools to let out so that the summer programs would finally get into full swing. Right now I'm desperately waiting for July 1 to roll around.

On July 1, two very important events happen. First, my job switches over to a real position meaning benefits, sick days, vacation days, and all those bells and whistles that are supposed to be part of a job you get after graduating college. More importantly, I can finally say to people that I am starting my grad program next July instead of the wordier "not this July but July 2009." I'm still not regretting my decision to defer because I so could not afford or handle moving right now. But now I can't stave off boredom by pretending to buckle down to write that personal statement or researching programs. Instead I just get to think about what I could be learning now and will now have to wait twelve months. Not exactly boredom reducing.

The boredom and stir craziness is starting to get to me, though. I saw this article last week and I'm honestly a little spooked. My initial reaction after reading this was, if the findings of this study are consistent with my biology (since I have not had a brain scan) and the hypothesis presented is correct, then I have wasted so much time. I was told a few months ago that the switch for sexual preferences flips on at the age of 8 or 9, and my reaction when I heard that was remarkably similar.

I feel like I'm losing the passion for the things in my day-to-day life. And as much as I wait for something to jump start my enthusiasm, it just isn't happening. It's a long time until September.