Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Lightswitch

My life would be so much easier if my emotions and memories could be controlled by a switch. I'm not talking about long-standing grudges (I'm glaring at you Evil Roommate) or the important events in life. I'm referring more to the occasional slights that happen now and then with no lingering consequences other than angrying up the blood whenever I think about them -- sometimes incessantly.

Though, in fairness, positive feelings also get caught up in this cycle of white noise, which has kept my spirits up. I'm still referring to the general subject of my last set of posts. (Don't worry: eventually something else will come up in my life that will be the subject of future posts. Maybe?) To that end, I am going to continue reading too much into every single interaction. Partly because I like the warm fuzzies and partly because I apparently lack the ability to read the nuance of the situation. So far there are only two downsides to this course of action:

  1. As I am making eyes (since I somehow turned into a 12 year old girl from the late 1800's with that turn of phrase) I realize more and more that rather than being all doe-eyed I think I'm coming across as more Cookie Monster-eyed: A step beyond "googly" with no control of my pupils as I become victimized by a bizarre eating disorder. Or something.
  2. I keep thinking of the creepy Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer claymation thing CBS shows every December. "CUTE. She thinks I'm cute!" Then I start flying around until my fake nose falls off and starts to glow. And then I'm on the Island of Misfit Toys. And then things really start getting fucking weird.
Although I may be wasting my time, I think I'm getting experience of some sort. Maybe?

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